Gee, Mom

We really like pudding.

Urine Trouble

It will require divine intervention for Taylor to be potty-trained before he starts high school. I have tried EVERYTHING:

1. Giving him 1 M&M for going pee, 2 for poop
2. Sticker chart
3. Having him sit on the toilet every 20 minutes
4. Letting him just go naked
5. Giving him a special "pee plant" to water
6. Letting him pick out his own big boy underwear
7. The "potty monster": I dressed up all of my toilets with arms and faces and they all thanked Taylor for "feeding" them after he went to the bathroom
8. Telling him that he was doing a great job wherever he went to the bathroom, but encouraging him to go on the toilet
9. Getting a toy if he stays dry all day
10. Spanking him every time he went anywhere but the toilet

I've been at this for months. So what's my present method? I've come to the point where I'm sick of buying diapers or pullups and I'm sick of stressing about it. I'm not putting him in diapers or pullups anymore. The kid will wear underwear at all times unless he's at school. The problem? Well, he doesn't really care that he's wet. I made him ride home in his underwear after he wet his pants one day, and he came home and went straight to his toys- didn't even bother to take them off.

But today we had a breakthrough... kind of. We met Kent for lunch, and he wet his pants during lunch. So after lunch we went out to the car and I made Taylor wait on the driver side while I put Erik in his car seat on the other side. After I get Erik buckled up, I walk around the car to open the door for Taylor. What is he doing? His pants are around his ankles, his shirt is up past his belly, and he's wizzing on the black BMW that's parked next to us.

And I thought we weren't getting anywhere...

A Lesson on Personal Prayer

--On the drive home from church--

Me: "So Taylor, did you have fun in Primary?"

Taylor: "YEAH!"

Me: "What did you learn about today in Primary?"

Taylor: "We learned about pwayer!"

Me: "And what did you learn about prayer?"

Taylor: "If Erik comes to eat my choo choos, I can pway to Heavenly Fodder to take Erik far away and shut my door. And then He'll give me another choo choo."

Maybe when that doesn't work he'll try fasting.

My Immaculate Home

Man, I'm so freakin' awesome. I decided to organize my pantry. It was a ridiculous mess. So I enlisted the help of Taylor and Erik to clean it up; not that I really had much choice in the matter, though. Here is the magnificent finished product. Look how awesomely clean it is!

No, that is not the "before" picture. That is what happens when you try to organize your cans that are on the bottom shelf with a 10-month-old and a 3-year-old. That's not to mention that stupid container of 100 assorted cookie cutters that I just HAD to have 3 years ago but have probably used only 3 of them. Taylor decided that he needed to use that plastic container to put stuff in, so he decided the cookie cutters had to be removed and would look more organized on the floor.

Now if you're not yet impressed with my spotless home, here's what my living room looks like:

I ordered a gate for my fireplace, and we made a house out of the boxes that it came in. Don't you think it just adds to the overall warmth and coziness of the room?

And last of all, here is my spic-and-span kitchen with nary a dirty dish in sight. It's tough to stay on top of all of those dirty dishes and bottles, but I am often amazed at how good I am at it.

Now for all of you who might be living in filth, which can include piles of clean and dirty laundry strewn all over your upstairs, toilets with rings in them, hairballs all over your bathroom floors, and every single bed un-made, don't despair! (Of course, judging from the pictures above, I would never tolerate such atrocities in my home...) You, too, can have such a magnificent home as I. My secret?

Two little boys and absolutely ZERO motivation at the present moment.

What's So Funny?

A cup, apparently.

Comfort Eating

Erik has been really cranky lately since he's been teething. His first ones that he got when he was six months didn't really bother him. In fact, I didn't even realize he was teething until we were at the doctor and she said, "Oh, look, he has two teeth coming in!" The past 4 days or so he has been miserable. He'll just start crying out of the blue, he'll crawl after me bawling, he'll loudly protest if I put him down, and he'll pull on my legs and wail. So this morning, when I'm cleaning the kitchen, I realize that I haven't heard from him in a while. On a regular day it's normal, but lately it isn't. So I go to see what he's into...

I had left the closet open where I keep all my bags and purses. He had pulled everything out of my diaper bag and had rummaged through it until he found a bag of cookies that I had stashed away in there. Needless to say he didn't want to give it up.

And here's Erik pushing his little walker along. He loves the thing.

Clarification

TWO THINGS:

1.: Although it looks like Erik can walk in the last picture I posted, he actually can't. He can stand up by himself indefinitely and has great balance, but he just won't take that first step. It's just a matter of time before he starts walking. He has a walker that he pushes all over the house. I'll have to post of video of that sometime.

2.: While I was listening to that paranormal talk radio show I was considering who I might believe if they told me some outlandish story about a U.F.O. or alien sighting. I told Kent that there was a whopping two, maybe three, people who I would believe if they claimed they had a sighting: my best friend, Kim, and my father-in-law, Steve. The third maybe, you ask? That would have to be my mother-in-law, Linda... until she posted her comment. I guess the list is back to a solid two. Sorry, Linda :)

Mommy's Little Helper

Erik:

"Look how helpful I am, mommy! I'll even unroll the toilet paper for you so you don't have to. And then I'll slobber all over it. And then wipe it all over the floor so it's rendered totally useless."

"Hey, those are some fat feet. Whose muffin-top feet are those?"

Taylor:

"Hey, mom! Take a picture of my silly face! Oh, wait. Hold on. Let me go get the remote... Okay, there! Take a picture! Let me see!"

Already he knows the unparalleled power of the T.V. remote.

"They're shape-shifters."

On Thursday nights there is a dance class that I go to that's about 20 minutes away. It's after the boys go to bed, so by the time I'm driving home, it's about 9:00. Since I drive Kent's car the radio is on AM, so it's either sports or boring talk radio. While I might not hate watching sports (especially hockey; you can always count on flying fists and blood), I can't stand listening to them on the radio. So talk radio it is.

Lucky me! On Thursday nights there is a talk show about aliens and paranormal stuff. I was quite enlightened. I believe that if I die now, I will know all that I ever needed to know. Since I'm in a generous mood, let me share my bountiful harvest of knowledge:

1. "They're shape-shifters." According to our resident expert, Whitley Strieber, auther of Communion, they take many forms, whether it be "amphibious, reptilian, or any other form." Better keep an eye on what you thought was your pet turtle.
2. There are apparently 26 "races" of aliens. Not quite sure how they differ, but I figure that the next time I'm at a baby shower and someone just happens to be wondering how many different races of aliens there are, I'll know.
3. All aliens will harm humans. There are no benevolent ones. Kind of makes you wonder why they took pity on those backcountry rednecks who they dumped in a field naked, cold, hungry, and surrounded by empty beer bottles.
4. Being from somewere other than this planet doesn't excuse their lack of ethics. One of the callers insisted that there had to be some nice aliens because he was abducted at the age of 9 and it wasn't a horrifying experience at all. It was actually enjoyable (no, he did not go into detail about what went on). Strieber insisted that just proved his theory about all aliens being hostile. "You were abducted when you were a child! Everyone on this planet knows that kidnapping is wrong!" Hmm... They must have missed the memo that Earth sent out over the Galacticon Gamma Ray Wire Telegram System concerning the abduction of young earthlings.

I wonder why they never abduct college graduates.

So there you have it. Next time you're at a dinner party and there's that uncomfortable, awkward silence when you're frantically searching for something hilarious or interesting to say that doesn't involve the bodily functions of your children, pass on this little tidbit.

Loser

Though I am loathe to admit it, I LOVE reality T.V. There's nothing like sitting on the couch, legs propped up, and making fun of those wonderful citizens of America. Tonight marks the premiere of one of our favorite shows: The Biggest Loser. It's a great show. I like it because it's not just about a bunch of people making fools of themselves for money. It addresses a very real problem in our society- obesity. The show gives a lot of people the opportunity, who might not have otherwise done it, to lose weight and change themselves.

So to kick off the new season, I decided to make a healthy dessert. Peach cobbler. I figure it's better than the usual brownies and ice cream. After all, it has fruit, right? So while we watch people who are morbidly obese produce sweat, blood, and tears, we are stuffing our faces with peach cobbler and ice cream. Let's not count calories.

Biggest Loser, here we come!